Bride praised for not making fiance’s ‘tomboy’ niece wear a dress to her wedding

Editor's note: This article was originally published on October 12, 2022. It has since been updated.

While many couples stick to traditional wedding norms, times are changing, and self-expression is becoming the new standard. Shouldn't everyone be free to wear what makes them comfortable and embrace their true selves? One bride faced this dilemma when her fiancé's niece, who had an androgynous style, was pressured by her parents to dress "feminine" for the wedding. The bride decided to advocate for the niece's comfort and took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for allowing the niece to wear what she felt best.

The bride decided to make the niece a bridesmaid at the wedding to make her feel included in the event. She also thought it would be a great way for the two of them to bond. The second time she met her, "she was dressed a lot more androgynous than I remembered," the bride wrote on Reddit. "The topic moved to wedding dresses and bridesmaid's dresses and I could see she was immediately uncomfortable."

"Her parents (her mum really) and grandma were making comments about how she'd need to be more feminine/ brush her hair etc, and how nice it would be to see her like that. I'll be honest and say this hit a nerve with me, as I was very much a tomboy as a teenager (even though I'm not anymore) and it absolutely broke me whenever my relatives would say things like that. Eventually, her mother made a comment along the lines of, 'It'll be nice to see you dressed like a girl for once.' and she looked really sad/ embarrassed/ upset."

The bride was immediately infuriated and decided to step up for the niece. She told her she had "given all the bridesmaids the option of wearing anything they want as long as it's in the 'wedding color,' to make things easier. I pulled out my phone and started showing her photos of the ideas my friend had sent me (a jumpsuit, culottes, a trouser suit, a tailored tux, etc) and let her know that she could pick anything at all she wanted – she could even wear jeans and trainers if that made her comfortable – and that it's a wedding, not a fashion show." The niece seemed to be more at ease, but her mother was not. The mother apparently tried to get the bride's fiancé "to pressure me into getting all the bridesmaids dresses so their daughter will have to wear one." The bride put her foot down and said no. She then asked Reddit if she was wrong to overrule the girl's family. 

Most Reddit users praised the woman for standing up for the niece and pointed out that she was not the a**hole in the situation. One person suggested, "NTA take her shopping to get her wedding outfit so mom can't overrule you. Keep your niece's outfit at your place." Another pointed out, "She's 15 and is old enough to decide on how she would like to dress. You are being very reasonable by allowing her to be comfortable in what she is wearing, as long as it is meeting the wedding color. The mum is an a**hole for trying to make her daughter wear something that she would be uncomfortable with. This would make her not enjoy being your bridesmaid and could also affect your happiness knowing that one of your bridesmaids is not happy."