Bride gets into an argument with her parents as she asks her brother, who acted as her guardian her entire childhood, to walk her down the aisle.
Parents are unfortunately not everyone's safe space. They are supposed to be there for their kids always but unfortunately, not every parent in the world fulfills their duty. There are many who forego their responsibilities. Reddit user u/ThrowBride went through something similar with her parents who did not pay heed to her, leaving her with no choice but to depend on her brother's support. Though things have now more or less stabilized, she has not forgotten how she was treated in those times. Therefore, she took the call to break tradition and ask her brother to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Unfortunately, this decision was not accepted favorably by everyone, leading to chaos and disagreements.
They began the post by providing the history of her relationship with her parents and where things went wrong. She explained that her parents "weren’t necessarily abusive, but they were neglectful and overly critical of me when I was a kid. They kept me dry and fed and made sure I got treatment when I was sick or injured, but for the most part, that was it." The daughter further adds that her parents always kept a distance from her until she did something they disapproved of. They intervened only to scold her, which fostered a toxic environment.
Through all of the turmoil, the only person she could depend on for support was Dave, her older brother. Everything that a parent should do, Dave did for her. She shares how "he read bedtime stories to me, helped me with my homework, drove me to my first date, etc. Just about any basic human abilities you can think of, I probably learned from him." The home environment became so unbearable that at the age of 14, she permanently shifted with Dave. The parents never opposed this but maintained casual contact. The casual contact also broke off at the age of 19 when she became irritated by their disapproving attitude towards her major in college.
During the pandemic, the parents had a change of heart and wanted to meet up with their children to make amends. The father was severely sick due to COVID and they thought he would not make it which prompted this reunion. At first, the woman was a little skeptical, but later on was impressed by their efforts. She writes, "I didn’t trust it then, but they respected my boundaries, all four of us went to family therapy together and we’ve slowly built a better relationship over the last three years."
The father fortunately made it through and everything was going smoothly. She began her wedding preparations and asked her brother to walk her down the aisle. This took her father by shock, as he thought he would be asked to do that. However, he understood and kept his calm. Her mother, on the other hand, was flabbergasted. She went off on her daughter and expressed her disappointment and said that she was still holding a grudge.
She calmly explained her side of the story, that even though she wants to be cordial with them, she cannot forget what they did and especially cannot cast aside how Dave stepped up when she was in dire need of a guardian. The argument continued to go about in circles, leading to the daughter finally telling them that if "they have a problem with that they can just stay home that day."
Dave does not like that a day that should be special for his sister is getting ruined by these arguments and wants u/ThrowBride to give their mother what she wants. Having held Dave to such high standards for so long, u/ThrowBride is feeling a bit shaken. The comment section did not find anything wrong with her call. u/anna23014 believes that the daughter is justified in her decision and wrote, "NTA - It is your wedding. If you find it more meaningful to have your brother walk you down the aisle, then go for it. If you want a drama-free wedding maybe let them both walk you down the aisle. Either way, your parents should be respectful and not cause any drama to begin with."
u/Less_Jello_2489 believes that the parents made their choice and now must respect their daughter's choice, "NTA. I think Dave is the perfect choice. If he feels uncomfortable doing it then don't press him but make it clear to everyone that if Dave doesn't walk you down the aisle you will be walking yourself down the aisle and Dad will not be doing it period."