Boyfriend tries for baby behind girlfriend’s back, sparks debate on control and trust

In a healthy relationship, mutual understanding and trust are essential, especially when it comes to life-changing decisions. However, one man decided to make a major choice without consulting his girlfriend—he secretly took her birth control pills because he believed it was the right time for them to start a family. The 26-year-old woman, u/ThrowRa_bcole, shared her story on Reddit, turning to the community for advice after feeling deeply betrayed by her boyfriend's actions.

"My boyfriend (26) and I have been together for three years. We met in graduate school, where we were in the same class, and after six months of dating, we moved in together," she explained. "He's a wonderful boyfriend—kind, generous, and always willing to help out. We split household responsibilities 50/50.

She went on to describe how they had previously aligned on future plans: "When we first started dating, we discussed everything from kids to marriage. We both agreed we would wait until we were financially stable before taking that next step. While we're comfortable now and no longer living paycheck to paycheck, we still have student loans to pay off. Otherwise, we're debt-free."

"Recently, though, things have taken an unexpected turn. Over the past few weeks, my boyfriend has been trying to be intimate without using protection. While I'm on birth control, we had always used protection in the past," the girlfriend shared. "A few weeks ago, we were at his parent's house, and his mom made a comment about how beautiful our children would be and how excited she was to be a grandmother. I brushed it off as a sweet, casual remark, as his parents have always been kind to me, but they've never brought up children before." She continued, "Then, last week, I noticed my birth control pills were missing from the medicine cabinet. I asked my boyfriend about them, and he claimed he didn't know where they went. I thought he may have accidentally thrown them out and bought a new pack."

"But when I couldn't find that one either this week, I confronted him again. This time, he admitted that he had taken them because he wanted to start trying for a baby," the girlfriend recounted. She was shocked, as the couple hadn't discussed having children or getting engaged in the past two years. She continued, "He explained that he and his mom had talked and believed now was the right time to have a baby since we're no longer struggling financially. It hurt to hear that his mom was involved in this decision. I asked him if that was why she had brought up children, and he admitted that he had told his parents and friends we were trying for a baby but had asked them not to tell me, claiming I wanted to surprise everyone."

"I feel betrayed. Instead of discussing it with me, he went behind my back," she shared. "I told him I needed some time alone, so I went to my parents' house." She didn't explain the situation to her parents, simply telling them that "he's on a work trip." Seeking advice, she turned to the online community. Many people in the comments expressed their support, urging her to trust her instincts and reconsider the relationship. u/skibunny1010 wrote, "Your boyfriend isn't just a j***. He's an abusive j***. This needs to be a dealbreaker for you." u/RickRussellIITX commented, "I'm a happily married 55-year-old man with adult kids, and the OP's story has me literally shaking with anger." u/EnerGeTix618 remarked, "What other life-altering decisions will he and his mother make for you?"

In an update shared in her comments, she revealed that she was considering breaking up with him. However, she also elaborated on how helpful and kind he had been toward her family and how good his mother had been to her. She was reflecting on how to break the news to her parents, as her father was protective of her. "This whole situation is incredibly painful, and I'm still processing everything. Thank you again to everyone for your support," she concluded.