As we grow older, we realize that our family and loved ones feeling safe and wanted at a place is more important than social obligations.
At some point in our lives, we have experienced someone crossing the boundaries we have set for ourselves. Intentionally or unintentionally, they can often irk us. In a video posted by Jessica Miller–who goes by @mind_yourboundaries on TikTok—she answers a popular question about boundaries.
Miller begins the video by mentioning the question and says, "She wants to know how can I make it fairer when I'm the mom of the son and they spend all the time during the holidays at my daughter-in-law's parent's house." She goes on to validate the mother's feelings and empathizes with the woman by explaining that she too has a son. "It's not fair. It is not fair being a boy mom," she says in the video. "You have the love of your son—this precious bond—forever and then it can just change so quickly and then it's like you don't even exist. So painful."
Miller mentions that a lot of other women also resonate with this feeling. She says, "And I hear about it so much in my DMs and I'm trying to prepare myself for it because my son is a love bug and I just know that day is coming and all we can do is accept it and get what we get." Taking a more solution-oriented route, she adds that the one thing she is in control of is how fun her party is going to be in the future. She elaborates, "I'm gonna have music, Hallmark vibes. We're gonna play Christmas games and it's gonna be the place you wanna be."
Reiterating the same in the caption of her video, she explained that the best thing to do is accept what you get instead of throwing a fit. That is because putting pressure on young couples almost always backfires. So, it would be better to focus on what you can control, which is how fun your get-togethers and parties are. A few suggestions she made were the "Minute to Win It" games, "The Saran wrap game," "Themed White Elephant games," "Music," and more! She assures, "Not only is it more effective to focus on what we can control, it's better for our relationships and mental health."
Miller hopes that this helps all worried boy moms out there and judging by the comment section, it seems her suggestion helped a quite few. @reignforest55 said, "As the mom of three adult sons, I've worked very hard at being a good mom-in-law. Five years ago, I started Christmas Eve reindeer games. Everyone comes." Many daughters-in-law also answered how they chose which side of the family to go to. @robinelizz commented, "I go where I'm treated kindly and feel welcomed. My MIL is judgy, disrespectful, unkind, controlling and takes no accountability. Now she gets to miss out." @whatindaworld333 wrote, "Make it easy for them to come. Don't guilt trip or judge. Make it comfy. Don't make it an emotional load. DIL is going where she feels safe." @123abcd2341 advised, "And baby-proof your house. Because when the kids are safe, mom is happy."