This 2,000-year-old Chinese tale warns about the hidden cost of always being 'useful'

We’ve often been told that we need to be productive and have something to offer, whether it’s work, relationships, or anything else. Being “useful” is considered to be a compliment, but ancient Chinese wisdom is against this idea. In a video shared by Tang Saying on January 3, a 2,000-year-old Chinese philosophy highlighted how "value" has been compromised and confused over time. People relentlessly use others under the pretense that they’re nice or helpful, and it’s often too late before we realize that it’s draining us. It's important to understand the difference between being valued and being used, and that's exactly what Saying is trying to explain with the story of a tree everyone ignored. 

The man opened by sharing how we’re often taken for a ride by being told we’re helpful. Maybe you were asked to overwork and take on another’s shift repeatedly, or are constantly the one called on to help or when issues arise. “If you are reliable, people rely on you endlessly. If you are emotionally stable, you become everyone's emotional trash can. This is rarely called exploitation. It's usually called being valuable,” he explained. Because of this manipulation, we give and give until we’re beaten and exhausted and then wonder why life seems so hard and overbearing. An ancient Chinese story about a tree revealed how we’re being gaslit into overgiving. 

The story is more of an analogy — picture a bent and crooked tree. It’s young and not very strong, so it doesn’t have much to offer. “Its wood is useless for building anything. Carpenters walk past it. They don't cut it down. They don't even look at it twice,” the man explained. Because this tree is ignored and left alone, it grows, becomes huge, finds its best potential, and “lives.” Now consider a picturesque tree, with neat branches and a trunk that’s strong and straight. People immediately eye it for its use, and cut down. It doesn’t get to live. The Chinese philosophy, over 2,000 years old, is called “Wúyòng zhōngnián,” which translates to “Because useless, lives until the end.” 

This theory applies to people as well. We’re constantly being manipulated with the idea that “Your worth equals your usefulness.”  Whether it’s school, work, or any other place, we are trained to ask what you can do. What can you offer? How productive are you? And unfortunately, we chase that, and once we prove ourselves, there’s no going back. There are demands made of us constantly. “The most complimented employee is the one who is most burned out,” Saying remarked. We get caught up in the cycle of doing more and more for others. While “useful people” are caught up fixing things for others, their dreams, plans, and wishes get buried under exhaustion. 

According to Very Well Mind,  Meghan Marcum, PsyD, chief psychologist at AMFM Healthcare, noted, “Being used is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. It means one person is taking excessively while the other is making all the sacrifices.” While it affects relationships, it also destroys a person’s being. And the tactics used are innumerable. Thai includes being gaslit, love-bombed, criticized, and so on. "In some cases, the individual being used may not recognize the pattern until long after the behaviors first start,” Marcum cautioned. So it’s important to understand when to put a boundary. 

Being there for others and helping out is great, but not at the cost of your life. It was brilliantly noted that there’s a difference between being “capable and consumable.” "The world doesn't destroy useless things. It ignores them. And sometimes being ignored is a form of protection,” the speaker noted. Sharing what he called “radical wisdom,” he noted, “What makes you valuable can also make you disposable.” There is a thin line between the two, and we have to find the boundary that defines it.

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