Author shares one key phrase that could prevent nearly 100% of quarrels — and it's surprisingly effective

We often find ourselves wanting to communicate about a situation, but end up arguing and getting all heated up. Author and Forbes speaker, Liz Bohannon, shared one statement to make sure the conversation plays out differently. Speaking with podcaster Ken Coleman, in the video shared on February 3, 2026, the woman explained how using one phrase before you share your complaint or opinion can keep the conversation in relationships subtle yet honest. It’s a simple measure, and it's working well for many. Bohannon revealed that this trick can be used with anyone — a friend, colleague, or spouse.

Sharing an example about dishes and chores in a conflict between partners, the woman mentioned how using one sentence ahead of the conversation helps. “Here’s a story I’m telling myself,” she revealed. This is the statement to make before putting out the issues or citing things that are bothering you. Sharing the instance, the speaker noted, “A story I’m telling myself is you left the dishes in the sink because you think your time is more valuable than mine because you make more money and you know that I’m going to clean the mess.” 

The woman explained that using the phrase gives two perks that completely transform the tone and attitude of the discussion. One, it helps talk about the core issue. “It’s not about the dishes, it’s about you thinking your time is more valuable,” she remarked. And secondly, when we start with that phrase, it indicates that it's more of a mindset or perspective than an accusation. So it doesn’t immediately feel offensive, and the other person won’t get hostile trying to defend themselves. So instead of starting the conversation as an argument subconsciously, you're adopting a calmer approach. 

Communication and honesty are pillars of any relationship. If you don’t say what’s on your mind, it’s gonna keep triggering you and ruining the bond altogether. Various studies have been conducted to understand communication in relationships, a study revealed. Questionnaires, audio tapes of couples conversing, comments from counselors, and other experts revealed that communication in relationships can determine the outcome of the bond. Most American couples were reported to be more open about how they’re feeling. But it’s not only what you say, but it’s how you say it. The findings revealed that couples who communicated poorly were dissatisfied in their relationships.

For American individuals, who are more independent and more direct, it was reportedly better to be clearer and direct while addressing issues. And this method can help do that without creating upheaval or accusations. As Coleman noted, not once does the conversation directly call out a person because Bohannon already began with “Here’s a story I’m telling myself.” Several people noted that the method was seemingly effective. @_108kashmir added, “Don’t use it as a weapon but as an actual tool to reach mutual understanding and to be able to heal and move forward.” @jennbruer remarked, “It also acknowledges, ‘I know I bring my previous wounds to the table here so I need your help to rewrite the story.’” 

You can follow Ken Coleman (@kencoleman) and Liz Bohannon (@lizbohannon) on Instagram for more advice and content on lifestyle, relationships and more. 

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