'It's not a burden to talk about sports, or Warhammer figurines, but it is in our perception a burden to talk about our jobs...' says Pargin.
It is a common perception about men that they cannot have a personal conversation with each other. But recently, author Jason Pargin made a valid point about why men prefer not to talk about their personal lives. In a TikTok video posted by @jasonkpargin, he responds to @sarah_adelman when she asks, "What do men talk about when they're alone because I genuinely do not understand how men do not know personal?"
Pargin replies, "Okay so I guess this is a secret that many people don't know pop culture loves to portray men as being very simple and shallow." "Like we'll get together we'll talk about sports all day we'll never get into anything about our personal lives and I guess women don't realize there's a reason for this," he continues.
He says that from birth, his understanding was that the "most noble thing" one can do as a man is to not be a burden to other people. "And most men I've known experience talking about deep subjects as work you are putting a burden on them. It's not a burden to talk about sports, video games, or Warhammer figurines, but it is in our perception a burden to talk about our jobs, relationships, and so on. So the arrangement you wind up with is 'because I like you I'm not going to burden you,'" he says in the video.
The video has gained more than 573k views. Many men could resonate with what Pargin shared. @pervyqizard6 commented, "When women say they just want to vent and not you solving the problem. Do they count the emotional labor of absorbing that?" @papasaurusrexx commented, "Because men solve problems...if you tell a buddy your problems, you are asking for an action plan, not a hug. That's work." @thewanderinghistoryguy commented, "I think we. also need that time as an escape from all the heavy real stuff because we tend to dwell on it so much." @tickntocktime commented, "holy cow that is spot on. it is an act of love to keep my problems to myself to carry my own weight and do my own work yikes." @seggaz commented, "Same for fixing. My wife wants to vent but doesn’t want a solution, just wants me to listen. My brain is wired to fix things and give solutions 🥺" @st.kingst commented, "I know everything about my best friends, however, those things are theirs to share, I’m not going to talk about it except with them 🤷🏻♂️"
The author also posted the same video on Twitter and is captioned, "Why don’t men talk about their personal lives with each other?” It has more than 850k views. Some people disagreed and some agreed with what Pargin said. @sirenspear commented, "This is such a weird take. A friend would encourage you to burden them with your worries. Revealing your deeper self is a vote of confidence that has a tendency to make friendships stronger, not weaker. It's not a big deal to hear about work and relationships. It's totally normal." @BodreroMichael commented, "I think there's also an element of pointlessness... Why bring it up if there's nothing they can do to help in any way? Women often say I don't want solutions I just want to be heard, but men like solutions so if we bring up a problem there's a natural obligation on other men."
“Why don’t men talk about their personal lives with each other?” pic.twitter.com/B6sofziGs1— Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc (@JasonKPargin) March 13, 2023