You have to be on edge every day when you're a 911 operator but some of these calls had them in stitches.
911 operators have to be prepared to solve the most complex of problems and direct the right resources to those in need. A second of hesitation could cost someone their life and that's the kind of tension that 911 operators live with. It's fair to say, their work saves countless lives every day. Having said that, they also experience some quite hilarious calls, like a kid wanting to order pizza, a woman giving CPR to a couch or a delivery driver blocked by a menacing chicken. The Reddit community's 911 operators revealed some of the hilarious calls they've received during work and it's a laugh riot. Here are some of the funniest ones we came across:
I only worked dispatch for a few months and I got a call for a fish being stuck in a woman's ear. u/Jajison
Not a dispatcher, but I did get dispatched by them. My favorite call was when my pager went off and I read aloud, "Woman bit by camel." We were working in Malibu. u/Dharmaclub
Well, this lady called me just after midnight and swore she saw a chupacabra on the west side of Orlando and insisted an officer do an area check. Not too long after that a coworker was in on his night off and left the building. He called two mins later saying he saw a kangaroo hopping down the street. I can’t make this sh*t up. u/Brent_L
One time a guy called in while I was training and stated he had cut his penis. When I answered you cut your penis?! The trainer smacked me on the arm and told me he said, he'd cut his hand. She looked at me like the biggest pervert! Then 10 seconds later into the conversation he says, "Yeah, I was trying on a rubber that was too small and I had to cut it off so I cut right into my penis!" She almost couldn't stop herself from laughing. u/macmartijp14
My dad used to be in charge of the 911 call center. One particular story I remember was in like 09 some guy called asking how much weed he could have in his car while driving through the state. They went back and forth for maybe 20 minutes of the guy repeating and rephrasing the question and my dad just responding “none.” u/Farmerexternal
Someone legit called me today to say “some guy has a pet rock and he almost got hit by a car collecting his pet from the roadway.” u/veddie_babes123
Lady called in because she thought Willie Nelson was having a cardiac arrest in her trailer, and she needed an ambulance. I started giving her CPR instructions, and come to find out when paramedics got there, she was doing compressions on the couch cushions. u/Dethmonger
I talked to a pizza delivery guy who couldn't reach his destination because a defiant chicken was standing in the middle of the road. I stayed with him on the phone as he pleaded with it to finally move along. Truly a chicken crossing the road moment. u/placeintheways
I took a call where a guy insisted he was in an argument with a man dressed as a giant Pepsi bottle. He said the man in the Pepsi suit had stolen his debit card and refused to give it back. Upon arrival, the officers told me he was high as sh*t and arguing with a vending machine. u/placeintheways
The caller called because they got their head stuck in a cat tree. With the cat stuck inside with it. Throughout the call, I kept hearing like "ow, f*ck" and "dude this isn't fun for me either" "dude, I know f*ck!" "Dude!"... Caller ended up going to the hospital for a minor case of serious head lacerations. Ok, I don't really know the severity but I'm sure they got some stitches. The other cool thing was that the caller was using an Apple watch to call 911 because obviously, they wouldn't be able to hold the phone to their ear. We get about a dozen misdials from apple watches a day, it was nice to finally see one being used for 'real.' u/Razvee
A guy called in because his dog had bitten a seagull and was now “acting strange.” He demanded we find the bird, capture it, and test it for rabies. The whole circumstances were vague and he was unwilling to listen to reasonable advice (like that birds can’t carry rabies). He had the audacity to file a complaint when informed we would not be doing what he wanted. u/Sho0terman
Numerous calls where someone has handcuffed themself to a SO during coitus and lost the key (if it's not busy this seems to draw most available officers). Not me but a coworker: a person was pleasuring themselves with the handle of a pair of scissors and it got stuck. u/ninenouuno
A little kid called 911 because he wanted the cops to come and arrest his brother. You see, their mom said that the caller's brother was supposed to share the legos, but he wasn't sharing. The caller's brother said that he was playing with all of the legos, which wasn't possible. There were too many legos for one person to play with all of them at once, argued our caller. Therefore, his brother was a liar, a jerk, and a turd and we needed to come and arrest him.
We had a high degree of confidence that this wasn't a coded request for help, so we asked to speak to an adult — confirmed that there was no distress, and closed the case. Share your legos, kids.
PS: If your kid ever calls 911, don't get mad at them. We want them to call 911 if they think they should. We would much rather have them call 911 for something silly than have them not call when they should because they're afraid they'll get in trouble. u/WatchTheBoom
I called 911 because our washing machine was broken and my parents were arguing about it (nothing violent, just arguing, but it was unusual for them and scared 5-year-old me). I dialed the number but chickened out instead of hitting the call button. Little did I know, the phone called it anyway. So five minutes later a policeman showed up at our house. I hid under the back porch, my mom made me come out, and the officer explained that 911 was only for emergencies. He was really nice about it though! u/Glum_hedgehog
A college kid called asking for an ambulance. He was super worried that he was having an allergic reaction to the weed he just smoked. When asked about his symptoms he said “I just can’t stop eating Cheetos.” u/VagabondPTA
A lady calls asking if she can donate a building for a training burn-in. After asking questions she finds out it's not a building but an RV. More questions. It's not her RV, it was abandoned on her property. Just a few more questions. It's not exactly abandoned. It's her ex-husband's RV. And he's living in it and won't leave. She wants my wife's fire department to burn it down. The fire department declined. u/Camoern
A man and a woman were getting hot and heavy. He ended up getting junk stuck inside of a Gatorade bottle. Getting his junk stuck wasn't funny (it's a serious medical concern and could result in emergency surgery) - but his significant other yelling in the background about how he could have just asked for a blow job and she would have given it literally killed me throughout the call. u/hellodeveloper
I called (the non-emergency police line) once for my across-the-way neighbor playing Christmas music at all hours for seven months straight. Turns out I live next to a deaf person's building and the person had no idea that their music was
1) playing 24/7
and 2) so loud I could hear it in any room of my apartment across the driveway.
The operator was absolutely cracking up because I was like look, it’s July, I can’t take hearing holy night again. The call back I got when they made contact with the person was absolutely hilarious- the cop couldn’t stop chuckling every few words. u/snarknsuch
I had another one where a hooker butt-dialed me. I was new to the sheriff's office at the time and thought she was in distress with the moans I heard on the phone. That was the "welcome to this job" call... It used to be very frequent back in the 2010s because holding a key would call 911 on your phone. u/hellodeveloper
My sister once called because she wanted to know who would be on the other end of the line. I couldn't hear what the person said but I heard my sister's parts of the convo. Sister: hello? Who's this? ... Oh... Then she hung up on the operator. They ended up calling back and my dad picked up and had to explain that his daughter was just being curious. u/3luwjays