30 hilarious food reviews and life lessons from the 'Shower Food Review guy'
Gaz is a passionate food critic who spends his time reviewing the simplest and most ordinary foods while in the shower.
Being a food critic is not an easy job. It requires a great deal of passion and strong taste buds. You would have to be able to devote your time to critiquing various food and cuisines from all around the world. And what do food critics like the most? For the individual behind the @GazpachoMachine Twitter account, the answer is hot showers. The passionate food critic spends his time reviewing foods while in the shower and has quickly established themselves as a brilliant reviewer of the simplest and most ordinary foods, from Takis and pineapples to rib eye and cotton candy.
You can also slide into his Twitter DMs and ask for a review of some food you like, which Gaz graciously obliges. Generally, food critics share their opinions in newspapers, magazines or websites devoted to food and drink, but Gaz posts photos of it on Twitter with a little accompanying text in the caption. Recently, one follower asked him to eat pudding while drenched in the shower. So if you've ever wondered how gooey wet pudding or watery milk tastes under running water, you are at the right place.
Here are the 30 best ones with the hope that you will do the same the next time you hop into the shower.
1. Philly Cheese Steak
Shower Food Review 35: Philly Cheese Steak - Wow, this was Philling! But jokes aside, 1 in 8 children are at risk of hunger in America. Consider donating or volunteering at your local food bank. This tasted better than it looked. 6/10 pic.twitter.com/n8oPrmqn8q
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 22, 2023
2. Blue Takis
Shower Food Review 39: Blue Takis- These were spicy & a little messy but the cold water cooled me down. I also need to cool down when people dont take me seriously. Life can be messy but if u find the right person they can help u clean it up. I hope I find that person 1 day. 6/10 pic.twitter.com/6NPyjKIyal
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 27, 2023
3. Pineapple
this was great https://t.co/6sMFDTHnyB pic.twitter.com/j28cR2b3wP
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 26, 2023
4. Cotton Candy
Shower Food Review 37: Cotton Candy - For some reason this was the most highly requested Shower Food Review. Perhaps people wanted to see me accidentally get it wet and have it dissolve, like that sad raccoon in that viral youtube video. But I am not a raccoon. I am a man. 4/10 pic.twitter.com/GyYOfO50Xy
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 25, 2023
5. Tomahawk Ribeye
Shower Food Review: 32oz Tomahawk Ribeye- thnx to your donations I was able to buy this huge steak. If I were my ex right now I'd be having some second thoughts. One day you people will get sick of these posts. But I wont cry when it's over. I'll smile because it happened. 10/10 pic.twitter.com/TkJdnPyqEy
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 3, 2023
6. Cereal
Shower Food Review 36: Cereal- I haven't had a bowl of cereal in years. I put on 1 of my favorite cartoons from my childhood. It reminded me of a simpler time, before all the disappointments. Remember: If you're always looking behind you, you wont see what's in front of you. 9/10 pic.twitter.com/Fb9PLy6swC
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 24, 2023
7. Pudding
Shower Food Review 34: Pudding- People get so mad when I post a picture of something silly or tell a dumb joke. They dm me, "Stick to the Shower Food Reviews buddy." Anyways some freak emailed me asking me to eat pudding in the shower. I think it's some kind of fetish thing. 5/10 pic.twitter.com/xkYHxGm2Px
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 21, 2023
8. Vape
Shower Food Review 23: Vape - Another fan request. I've never vaped before but was willing to try it. Apparently they banned flavored vapes because kids are stupid as hell & thought it was candy. Each hit made me ill but it was nice to feel something different even if it was bad. pic.twitter.com/PCZGIhDJqh
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 1, 2023
9. Watermelon
Shower Food Review 33: Watermelon - So many people asked me to try this in the shower. What is it about the watermelon that inspires such wonder. Perhaps it reminds us of our childhood summers. I don't fear getting older. But we all lose parts of ourselves along the way. 7/10 pic.twitter.com/UUInhIzAkG
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 19, 2023
10. KFC Bucket
Shower Food Review 32: KFC Bucket - Life is full of little victories. I was so thankful for this nice crispy chicken I almost forgot to take a photo. I held onto this bucket for dear life so I didn't spill it. Hold on tight to the things that are important to you in life. 8/10 pic.twitter.com/SVyeWTioLT
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 17, 2023
11. Pepperoni Pizza
Shower Food Review 2X: I reached out to Little Caesers to see if they'd sponsor a shower Food review. They said no. I said what if I just lie & say it's a sponsored post? They said that's illegal & they could sue. So here is my official Review of Little Caesers in the shower:0/10 pic.twitter.com/kyRFJ8BD74
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 13, 2023
12. Shrimp Party Platter
Shower Food Review 29:Shrimp Party Platter -The shrimp was still slightly frozen which added a pleasant crunch.Yea it's meant for parties but who'd come to one of my parties? This made me feel fancy til I turned the shower off and the cold realization of what I'd done set in 6/10 pic.twitter.com/9LltyGZIaK
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 12, 2023
13. Rotisserie Chicken
Shower Food Review 28: Rotisserie Chicken - A fan paid me to eat this. It was the perfect size for my grip. I dont want to be known for eating food in the shower. I want to succeed by telling jokes & making interesting content. But as far as shower foods go, this was great. 8/10 pic.twitter.com/HCT7WQEy51
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 11, 2023
14. Leftover Easter Ham
Shower Food Review 27: Leftover Easter Ham - I got this big ham but no one showed up for Easter dinner. Well, their loss is my gain & I got to eat this bad boy all by myself in the shower. Ham is great in the shower but grease got everywhere & now my shower is very slippery. 7/10 pic.twitter.com/8ScQQgdwwB
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 10, 2023
15. Movie Theater Popcorn
Shower Food Review 26: Movie Theater Popcorn - I love popcorn & movies so thought why not combine them with my love of showers. Never had so much fun in the shower, Sonic is one of my favorite films. Shut the hell up about "what if your food gets wet?" I'm a fucking expert. 8/10 pic.twitter.com/tIXJeauwWf
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 7, 2023
16. Bud Ice 40oz & a Cigarette
Shower Food Review 25: Bud Ice 40oz & a Cig - The gas station special, this was a unique technical challenge that tested my shower food review ability & my palate. The aroma of the cigarette paired nicely with the shower steam & the beer was refreshing. Thank you Budweiser. 9/10 pic.twitter.com/Eu0Ur9we8o
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) April 6, 2023
17. Big Mac
Shower Food Review 22: Big Mac (Fan Request) - I dont like Big Macs but wanted to make this stranger's dream come true. I spend a lot of time doing things I dislike to make others happy. I should learn to say no & focus on myself. Each day I learn something new about myself. 3/10 pic.twitter.com/7ZxnaqAhzM
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 31, 2023
18. Pizza Egg Rolls
Shower Food Review 21: Pizza Egg Rolls - Imagine if an Italian person & a Chinese person met. Well, they might come up with a little something like this. Since I've started reviewing food in the shower several funny & intelligent women have dm'd me. Maybe things will be ok. 8/10 pic.twitter.com/jAZ7YwASls
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 30, 2023
19. White Cheddar Popcorn
Shower Food Review 20: White Cheddar Popcorn - This was a little messy but otherwise enjoyable. Reminds me of a girl I used to see who loved these. I would steal one small bag a day from the office and give it to her. Checking her page now I see she just got engaged. Huh. 7/10 pic.twitter.com/LDxcf9KdJE
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 29, 2023
20. Hot Dog
Shower Food Review 19: Hot Dog - Ever since I started reviewing shower food my life's gone downhill. My relationship fell apart & I'm very behind at work. I'm now single & might be fired. But it's the only thing u ppl like so I keep doing it. Plz stop liking & sharing these. 9/10 pic.twitter.com/IFeW1ipmSO
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 28, 2023
21. Bacon Hamburger from Five Guys
Shower Food Review 18: Bacon Hamburger from Five Guys - They added a 3rd patty & forgot the cheese so I just had a dry ass mountain of meat. It made me reflect on the people in my life who I have forgotten. Gonna scroll through my contacts & reach out to old friends today. 2/10 pic.twitter.com/aeKaex1i3g
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 27, 2023
22. Chicken Tenders
Shower Food Review #17 - Chicken Tenders: When I was a child this was the only thing I was willing to eat & I hated showers & only took baths. As an adult I dont really care for chicken tenders & I love showers. Time changes everything & can destroy the person you once were. 4/10 pic.twitter.com/gOzwe6uvby
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 25, 2023
23. Sushi
Shower Food Review 15: Sushi - My life is a movie. My teachers said I'd never make it in life but here I am eating shower sushi for breakfast. This was tricky to eat in the shower but worth it for the feeling of elegance. When will Brendan Fraser make a film about my life? 7/10 pic.twitter.com/Cy2PrfZ5nj
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 16, 2023
24. Double Down
Shower Food Review #14: Double Down - Is this the world's 1st Double Down sandwhich eaten in the shower? No. But probably the first time someone has publicly admitted to doing it. Ive been ignoring work emails for 3 weeks now & at this point I'm too afraid to open my inbox. 1/10 pic.twitter.com/VzbSD65BM5
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 14, 2023
25. Pizza
Shower Food Review #13: Pizza - Pizza is the perfect shower meal. The portability and crust allow for a clean shower eating experience that tastes great and cleans up well. Pizza is also the ultimate Bachelor's snack. "You're not alone," I tell myself, "you're independent." 10/10 pic.twitter.com/VbgWeoR9ld
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 13, 2023
26. Key Lime Pie
Shower Food Review #12: Key Lime Pie - We had this leftover pie in the fridge and I don't want it to go bad so I've been eating it. I don't like desserts and especially dislike key lime pie. Every bite of this was hell. 0/10 pic.twitter.com/V2hARlAYt9
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 8, 2023
27. Peanuts
Shower Food Review #11: Peanuts - I love peanuts but it's hard to eat them without making a mess. I was really enjoying eating these in the shower until I clogged the drain again. It's times like these I'm glad I have my plumber on speed dial. All good things have a price. 8/10 pic.twitter.com/Ma00lFD8JK
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 7, 2023
28. Orange
Shower Food Review #10: Orange - Lots of people recommend I try out this "Shower Orange" trend & not having had an orange in several years I figured I'd give it a go. I have to say I was not a fan. The exterior was bitter & tough to bite through, although the inside was nice 3/10 pic.twitter.com/47Whxameck
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) March 3, 2023
29. Burrito
Shower Food Review #8: Burrito - Loneliness is just a state of mind. But the pain I felt when the cheese spilled out & burned my chest was very real. You should call your loved ones more often. It doesn't have to be some grand emotional gesture. Just call to catch up. 7/10 pic.twitter.com/HQBzQGWN3P
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) February 23, 2023
30. Big Glass of Whiskey
Shower Food Review #6: Big Glass of Whiskey - well, she finally left. I had 1 too many shower meals & 1 too many shower clogs & after all the time & money spent on plumbers I guess it just became too much for her. Shower whiskey is pretty good tho I plan to have one every day now pic.twitter.com/VXS8YDfma0
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) January 20, 2023
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