25 tweets about kids doing the wildest things that prove they are weird creatures
Kids say the darndest things out of nowhere or do something frighteningly daring and impulsive that sometimes makes you question your own sanity.
When your kids are born, they appear to be the cutest and most precious things in the world. However, as they grow and their personalities emerge, you realize they are a bunch of crazy hooligans. They say the darndest things out of nowhere or do something frighteningly daring and impulsive that often makes you question your own sanity.
Sometimes parents want someone who relates to their problems, and what does a 21st-century parent do? They get on Twitter and bond with fellow parents by posting funny stories about their kids. Stories about getting called to the principal's office because your child swallowed a field mouse or almost stabbed another student with a pencil are all classics.
Twiter mom @DianaG2772 found herself in one such situation. She received a call from the school after her kid managed to catch a seagull by using gummy worms as bait. Both amused and concerned by the situation, she decided to take this matter to Twitter, where other parents in the comments empathized with the mother and shared their own experiences about the mischief their kids get up to every day.
1. FYI
Legit call from the school:
— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023
Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report
2. I am the weapon
my mom got a call from my middle school: “you daughter was involved in a fight. She wasn’t participating, but another student picked her up and used her as a weapon to injure another student. You may want to get her checked out at an urgent care just in case.”
— Claire Wants To Work In Animation🎞 (@clairesnotgrim) March 13, 2023
3. Why does this mulch have a tail?
1- When my daughter was 1.5, I received a panicked call from her preschool while I was at work, they thought she had put mulch in her mouth and were doing a finger sweep to get it out... only it wasn't mulch, it was a field mouse...
— Elaine HIcks (@elainehicks78) March 9, 2023
3- but we needed to monitor for signs of increased bleeding in case the rat had been killed by RID which is a blood thinner. Long story short, she was fine, we now laugh about it, and we dressed her as a cat for Halloween.
— Elaine HIcks (@elainehicks78) March 9, 2023
4. Poor duckie
My grandson went to the park with his nursery class (pre-school). Came back, sat on a mat and a mallard duckling calmly walked out of his trouser pocket! Ducks and geese are his friends!
— Jane Shaw (@Uglybunsmaker) March 9, 2023
5. It's a bird, after all
I caught a seagull when I was 4 and decided to lick it to see what it tasted like, it was slightly salty / fishy and I got strep throat from it. Kids are weird!
— Frugally Minded (@frugally_minded) March 9, 2023
6. The ankle of an arm
My 12-year-old called her ankles "foot wrists" and now I'm concerned about her future plans to be a doctor.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2023
7. Th-thanks
On my 40th birthday, my 4 year old climbed into my bed and whispered: “I’ll always love you, even when you die”, shit got real fast
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 13, 2023
8. Blood is thicker than water
My daughter forgot her gym uniform at home. When I arrived at her school to drop it off, I realized I also forgot the uniform.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 5, 2021
I see where she gets it from.
9. Honesty is the best policy
10: Grandma, can you teach Mom how to make this dessert?
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) October 3, 2021
My mom: Oh, she already knows how to make it, sweetie.
10: No. No, she doesn't.
10. Smells divine
Me: Why does it smell like poop in here?
— Kristen | Driving Mom Crazy (@DrivingMomBlog) January 29, 2023
Kid: Because I pooped on the couch.
Me: Great.
11. 'Little holding coin'
My 3-year-old is running out of shit for me to do to delay his bedtime and it’s frankly getting increasingly Dadaist? Last night as I was closing the door he yelled “Wait! I need a…red plate for under my pillow!”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 9, 2023
12. Will send you a presentation
I sent my daughter a text and she responded with “I will look into this. Thank you.” So I guess we’re business associates now.
— Wendy (@_wendyb07) November 24, 2022
13. I have priorities, mom
Asked my son if he could go anywhere in the world, where would he go? He said, McDonald’s. I said no, like a country. He said, OHHHH okay…McDonald’s in Japan.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) August 31, 2022
14. Always ask the right questions
my kid just now:
— Shannon Dingle, M.A.Ed. (@ShannonDingle) January 29, 2023
“How much communion bread would you have to eat for us to eat a whole Jesus?”
bless.
15. The nerve
My 5yo asked if I had ice cream in the house, and when I said no he glared at me with the intensity of a pint-size hypoglycemic commando and said “Tomorrow you go to the store and BUY SOME”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) October 7, 2021
16. It will scream like a banshee
“Daddy, that chicken’s ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it,” and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) August 6, 2022
17. Bullseye!
Daughter: Look, I’m dressed like someone from your time
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 11, 2023
Me: What time do you think I’m from??
Daughter: You know, the 19s
18. Nothing and macaroni
At some point you’ll think you have this parenting thing figured out. Then your child will ask you to take the cheese off of their macaroni.
— kidversations (@kidversations_) February 1, 2023
19. Your daughter has been saying some things
My daughter told her teacher that I love murder but forgot to include the TV SHOWS part so our next meeting should be fun
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 1, 2023
20. They have every right to be free
My son is singing a song he made up called "Free the Nipples" because he doesn't want to wear a shirt and I don't think I'm mature enough to be a parent right now
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) September 19, 2022
21. Truth is all I speak
My kid yelled ‘PANTS ARE LEG PRISONS’ when I told him to get dressed so our talks about consent are going well.
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) January 25, 2023
22. Frog.
*Kidzbop song plays*
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) October 6, 2021
my 4yo: they were 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 to say "fuck"
23. Dad holds all the answers of the universe
6: am i made of yolk?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 18, 2022
me:
6: my friend said we come from eggs so did i come from the white or the yellow?
me: ahh…go ask your father
24. Maybe forget about this one
6: “Mommy, imagine you had to buy your baby instead of growing it out of your penis or your belly. It would cost like ten dollars.”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) August 31, 2022
So much to unpack here…
25. 'She was born to write.'
My 6 year old is writing a novel and I think she shows real promise. pic.twitter.com/nWkU1cuPcI
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 28, 2021
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