Even after passing a background check, a date might turn out to be all kinds of trouble—or worse, dangerous.
As exciting as going on a date can be, it's also anxiety-inducing as you never really know what your date is going to be like. Even after passing a background check, they might turn out to be the human embodiment of a red flag and end up being all kinds of trouble—or worse, dangerous. Thankfully, members of the r/AskWomen community have compiled a thread of some of the major red flags to watch out for when on a date with someone and before deciding to go home with them. Hundreds of people shared their worst date experiences and some problematic telltale signs they've picked up on, when Reddit user u/nostalgicpastels approached the forum with this query: "What are some signs when you are on a date with someone that it's not safe to go home with them?"
Here are 25 of the top responses:
"I think it's really intuition. Some red flags for me would be, if they got too intoxicated on our date (a drink or two fine but getting plastered?? no), if the conversation seems a little forced or if they keep sliding in innuendos or sexual jokes, if they just straight up say 'let's go back to my place' and it's unprompted/not how the conversation was going, if they talk negatively about past relationships." — sadsincity
"If they're too quick with you. Like if they immediately start love bombing you with overly compliments or gifts. I know this might not seem harmful to some people but to others, this is usually a manipulation tactic. If they’re too quick to turn a conversation into something sexual and start off conversations that are too personal about your sex lite. Basically disrespecting boundaries and becoming too touchy. Also, it’s really just much of an intuition thing." — lbbhsanrio
"I had a man I was on a date with. We were talking about materialistic things and I told him I don't care about name-brand clothes or shoes or any items. He literally bent down (we were at a restaurant) and pulled my feet up to see what kinda shoes I was wearing. Then he went on to ask me questions that were already on my profile. And when I pointed that out he said he was making sure I knew myself. During the entire date, he kept saying how he wanted to have sex and most women in my area are very religious and conservative. At the end of the date, he walked me to my car and a group of people were just walking by. He was about to ask me to go to his place but he stopped and looked around at those people. He changed the topic until they passed (while he was mid-sentence) and then changed it back to inviting me to his place (mid-sentence again) after the group passed by us. He was a walking red flag! Glad I didn't go on any more dates or to his place." — tedknight23
"This is more generalized: Scammers and creeps try to convey an urge of necessity. 'You NEED to do this now, otherwise, bad things will happen.' That is a lie.
That is a lie, but it's more subtle than that: Their urgency is a means to trick you into actions you haven't thought through. Anybody trying to time-pressure you into anything is up to no good. 'Tasting this lovely sweet next week' isn't different from tasting it 'now'. If they say you need to taste it now assume it's spiked. Walk away, call the police and tell your story." — Giant-Dude
"Baiting conversation, either on controversial topics or by attempting to steer the conversation in a sexual direction, especially when you repeatedly either ignore or slap down those topics. Can't keep their hands to themselves in public. Insists that they drive you after you turned them down. Changes plans right in the middle of the date without consulting you.
Tries to get you to an isolated or low-traffic area on a first date. Gets mad if you establish fiscal independence by buying your own food, drink, or venue access. Won't give any details of their life. Like I don't need your life story but if you won't even tell me whether you have pets then you are sketchy as hell. Gets butthurt over small 'no's." — haelesor
"I went on one date with a guy who looked like the Brave Little Toaster but he was ~nice and I hadn't yet learned my lesson about 'giving the nice guy a chance.' First of all, I absolutely HATED his laugh but that's beside the point. The thing that got me was that he thought that violating my physical boundaries was 'romantic' and had zero ability to read body language at all.
At one point, he reached across the table and grabbed my wrist, pulling my arm towards him so he could look at the tattoo I have on that arm. Then he started tracing his finger over the line work. Mind you, we were in an upscale wine bar. He did this TWICE trying for the same reaction from me which was supposed to be attraction or flattery I think? Both times it was without permission.
Then when we were waiting for my Uber to pick me up (of course he asked to drive me home and that was a big hell no) he tried to KISS ME when he hugged me goodbye. I literally shouted 'NO!!!' then hopped in the Uber and rode away. The thing is that I actually have terrible judgment with men usually so it's amazing that this guy was so obtuse and obvious about his intentions that I detected it." — Familiar-Let-5035
"If you tell him at the end of the date you think you'd be better off as friends and he needs convincing that that's how it's going to be. No means no. What I've found with those types is they'll continue to text you every blinking day and try to butter you up as a 'pal' (lul you into a false perception of platonic friendship), but at the very next opportunity to meet up, try to turn it into a date or straight-up make moves on you.
Most respectful/decent dudes can be successfully friend-zoned and some become great mates, but there are those insidious little creepers that only talk to you because they want something from you and rage when you catch on and shut it down." — Psychobabble0_0
"In my experience, men who are honest about wanting to sleep with you and are willing to discuss boundaries, etc beforehand are way less seedy than the ones who act coy and pretend they’re inviting you over to 'hang' and then try to pressure you when you're alone and vulnerable. Also, watch out for men who try to supply you with drugs or alcohol. Men who assault women engage in all kinds of grooming behavior and won't be upfront about their intentions." — RottingAway90