Over the years, men have perfected the art of saying sorry without actually apologizing.
It's a truth and hypermasculine trope as old as time: most men have a hard time with the "s" word. While women tend to apologize for anything and everything that happens under the sun, like President Donald Trump (someone who's been both celebrated and ridiculed for never apologizing), men favor an "it is what it is" attitude in most situations. And no, I'm not trying to propagate a sexist stereotype, even science says its a gender thing. "Men tend to view apologies as humiliating and a loss of face," divorce mediator Sam Margulies, Ph.D., wrote for Psychology Today.
"Scholars of gender communication have observed that for men, verbal communication is tied up with their concern for the way their status is perceived by others," Margulies continued. "Men are more conscious of the impact of what they say on how others perceive their power position or lack of power. So, for a man to acknowledge that he has done something wrong, it often means that he feels diminished in the eyes of those who hear the apology." In what might be an attempt to maintain this power dynamic, over the years men have perfected the art of saying sorry without actually apologizing. Or in some cases, ignoring the smoking gun for a certain period of time they deem enough for the other person to forget their misdeeds.
This behavior is apparent in the responses received by Twitter user Arthur Fairley Jr. when he put out this tweet:
Apologize like a man...GOOOO😭😂— Arthur Fairley Jr. (@aj_fairley) January 30, 2020
Here are 24 painfully relatable responses to Fairley Jr.'s tweet:
Him: "I dont want u to keep getting mad at me for lil stuff. Maybe we should take a break"— 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓾𝓻𝓪 (@SANURAOFFICIAL) January 30, 2020
Me: "ok you're right. We should do that"
Him: *silence* "wowww so thats what you want? u really want this to be over????"
The danger of a single story. Hear me out.🤨— Sura Common (@cee_eet) February 3, 2020
“Look, I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have said/done X if you hadn’t said/done Y.”— Shay (@shaycode) January 30, 2020
“I still don’t think I did anything wrong, but I’m sorry for making you feel bad.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, but fine, I’m sorry.”
“Let’s just move past this. I’m tired of arguing.”
“It’s okay I know you hate me... even I hate me” https://t.co/HKv2GSOI3R— 𝒔𝒂𝒍𝒕 (@vinnyeezus) February 4, 2020
“Sorry for the misunderstanding“— • L • K • (@madamekafunda) January 31, 2020
“You know Iam not a bad person, you know I love you. I wouldn’t try so hard if I didn’t.“
“Come on, don’t do me like that“
“I miss you“
“So.. all of that was for nothing ?”
“Iam sorry BUT..”
“I wish you could understand I am trying my best..” pic.twitter.com/Q5o6siPSIk
“I ain’t shit, sorry”— Nell ♡ (@am0urnelly) January 30, 2020
Apologizing like a guy... pic.twitter.com/NsbfrNsfcn— Glazed Donut ✨ (@KatrinaAJones) February 1, 2020
*ghost you for three weeks*.... “what up stranger?”— 🦋 (@brwn_ndpetite) January 30, 2020
“My bad but you took that the wrong way”— kiara armani (@ke_a_ra) January 31, 2020
My personal favorite: "I'm not good enough for you."— Alisha Grauso (@AlishaGrauso) January 31, 2020
What men think: I'm showing vulnerability and flattering her
What women think: Ugh, this tired line. 🙄 How about grow up, handle your shit, evolve, and make an attempt to be a better man, maybe?
Me: Of course I’m hurt, you cheated, lied and ran away from our family.— Nancy Nap (@NancyNapAuthor) September 10, 2020
Him: I don’t want to get into a war with words.
Me: huh?!? https://t.co/nChSfDXVfm
“It wasn’t my intention to hurt you” “There’s a lot of complexities you don’t get” “youre a worse person than me” “I don’t like my dad” https://t.co/mKe9W4NH7d— yikes (@OfficialRebaFan) September 10, 2020
My ex said “I apologize but I’m not sorry for doing it”. Mf then what are you apologizing for?? 🤣— Morgann (@MorgannDarling) January 31, 2020
text after 3 days "you done being mad?"— ɒ Ɉoϱ ɘv'i (@VivanteFemme) January 31, 2020
Men are hell😂
“I’m sorry I’m a shitty person. You must hate me, and that’s fine. I’ll just go off myself.”— shayley (@shayleydyane) September 9, 2020
I COULDN’T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I’VE HEARD THIS ONE. https://t.co/PTdx8CTYkb
Him: “It’s possible that some of this couldve been avoided. You know where the breakdown was?”— SKY RIM (@terioh) January 31, 2020
Me: “in your mental sta-“
Him: “in our communication”
“I never said that.”— KJ 🌹🌹🌹 (@wearehere24) January 31, 2020
“But it’s what you meant.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t say that.”
"idk what you expected - we ain't even together" *treats you like you his GF for months and then randomly wifes some other woman— Melly Rock (@melly_____rock) January 31, 2020
I ain't mean to hurt your feleings like that shawty you gotta stop taking stuff personal. Wait I have more— 𝘽𝙍𝙄 🤍 (@buttaflybri) January 31, 2020
They apologize to begin with? What I’ve experienced is they make you feel guilty for what they do and make it seem like they’re in the right and didn’t do anything and continued with their lives 🤨— 🆖 (@Yaayelii_) January 31, 2020
In this order: Denial, Blame and Name Calling, then a shitty “sorry”... dinner and flowers should mend whatever it is. https://t.co/yaDk1PrHhY— Amber Jade (@AJLethem) September 9, 2020
“I didn’t say that to hurt you but I’m sorry that it did. But you also need to let it go.” https://t.co/GDkAmjo7I3— Emma Stecheson (@emthejedichic) September 10, 2020
You’re just mad because *repeats most irrelevant part of the argument*— Eastern European Princess (@kkiimberlyyy) February 1, 2020