10 people share how parents could work on improving their parenting: 'Kids' brains aren't mature'

Parenting is not child's play

Not every person who becomes a parent becomes automatically pro at this unpaid job called parenting. Parents are largely responsible for shaping the personality, behavior and future of their kids. Things they say and do leave an everlasting impact on young minds. However, there are kids who are not fortunate enough to grow up in a healthy environment and are often affected by toxic parenting styles. Many parents over-pressurize their kids to a breaking point whereas others simply do not understand enough about their children's mental turmoils. Recently, u/RunningInAHurricane asked the Reddit community: "What do a lot of parents do that unknowingly screws their children over?" And here are some of the most interesting and thought-provoking answers left by netizens to the question which might resonate with many others out there.

1. Stop shaming your kids

Forgetting that a kid's brain isn’t fully developed like their own. Also, shaming in any way of something your kid is into. Trying to learn about it is actually quite helpful and a good way to connect. And, parents can learn things that they like too. I didn’t know I liked Pierce the Veil until my 12-year-old liked them and I wanted to check them out. -u/ChrystynaS

2. Give them responsibility and independence

My parents made it very clear what needed to be done without me needing to question it. 'Grow into the habit of cleaning your room and putting away your things because it minimizes injuries, a clean space makes you feel better, you'll have to do it when you're older and doing it now will help you gain responsibility that's intertwined with independence.' At the time I had no idea what the heck they were truly saying but as I grew up - I comprehended. The one thing I like though is their ability to give me choices on certain things, you know? I had to clean my room, but I also got to choose when I wanted to do it. Before outside playtime or after dinner, etc. -u/LiteLit

3.  Satiate your child's curiosity

Albert Einstein said the most important thing is to never stop questioning, he also said that learning begins at birth and ends only at death. Personally, I think the most important question a person can ask is why. I spent my childhood either at the library or in front of a computer looking for answers because I had nobody to answer my questions. And let me tell you not having somebody to answer your questions kills motivation. If I ever have kids I will strive my best to either always have the answers or to get them as soon as I can. -u/Minimaro_sako

4. Teach them to ask for what they want

I served at a few restaurants in my life, and whenever a family with young kids would come in I’d internally groan. It was either the kid immediately shouting at me and screaming about what he wanted to eat, or it was the kid who would sit there quietly for long minutes while mom and dad tried to get them to answer what they wanted. It took me a while, but over time I realized one of those was a great learning experience for the kids: learn to ask for what you want, even if you don’t know who you’re asking, and you’re much more likely to get it. Never stopped internally groaning at and ignoring the kid that yelled at me right off the bat. -u/TheMilkmanHathCome

5. Don't pressurize children

My dad used to say I couldn’t work until the system was sufficiently pressurized. I just couldn’t even begin to fathom any benefit of beginning an unpleasant task until the last possible moment to begin and complete it. I did that for every project I ever had. Churned out 25 pages of nonsense for a good grade once in college. That stuff does get you hyped up, to be honest, especially when other people have been talking about working on it for weeks. Turns out I have ADHD. -u/Bradddtheimpaler

6. Let them go for it

I was once watching a YouTube video and it was a family of kayakers who were hiking a trail and the boy says to his mom, “Hey do you think I can climb that?” And she says “I don’t know but you should try.” I’ve tried to do that with my own kids. “I don’t know, but you should try.” I keep my worries and fears to myself and just say “Go for it” when I can. And I think it’s been good. I hope, anyway. -u/Ok-Grapefruit1284

7. Apologize to your children

I’ve never heard my mum apologize to me. She’s said many hurtful things to me in the past that I’ve never let go of because she never came to apologize for any of the things she said. If she had simply apologized and admitted that what she said was wrong and hurtful, I think that things between us would be so much better. -u/ellie_wxbster

8.  Treat your kids equally

When I told my mom I started learning Japanese she looked at me confused and asked why, saying it’s useless. However, she’s so proud of the fact that my brother knows the flag of every country in the world and once learned the 50 first digits of pi. Guess who goes to talk to her about relationship problems with their partners and who goes to talk to their partner to rant about the relationship with their mom? -u/AutisticAndy18

9. Understand when your children are burnt out

I’m a preschool teacher and student burnout is very real. Although my students are young, some of them go from school, to dance/gymnastics/sports practice immediately after school and then repeat the whole thing the next day. I had a student tell me that she was so exhausted from constantly moving from one activity to the next, that she just wanted a break. The parents were over-scheduling her to the max, and it was starting to heavily impact her behavior and attention span at school. -u/hatty_writes

10. Teach kids about finances

I heard a father talking to his small daughter, between 6-8 years old, about budgeting. We were in a bookstore and she wanted to buy a book. He told her that she could buy any book she wanted, but that she had to keep in mind how much money she was allowed during their vacation. He went through the math with her. He discussed the possibilities of other purchases later on during their trip. He continuously reminded her that it was her money and she could use it however she liked, but to remember how much total money she had. He was so patient, gentle and real with her. It was an awesome learning experience for me, especially since I have a baby. My mom always said that we didn’t have enough money, she would hoard it in a sock and is just stingy all around. Definitely want to break that cycle with my child. -u/80CosmicRivers08