The man expressed his commitment to being a supportive partner and is looking for advice that can help him achieve it.
Carrying a child for nine months is not an easy task for anyone, but the period gets a tad bit easier if they have a supportive and caring partner by their side. u/Kookiebanookie a would-be-dad turned to the Reddit community, revealing that he and his girlfriend are expecting their first child. He wants to do everything that is possible for him to make her go through the pregnancy comfortably and aspires to be a great father to his future kid. "What are some more subtle things I can do to make her life as easy as possible? We are Australian, so I will look into the Australian equivalent of 529s and other funds. We are both young (24), but we have been together for 5 years. We have wanted to have kids for a few years, so this is expected and we are thrilled," the man's post read.
Tons of comments from parents poured in to advise the would-be-father and here are ten of the most wholesome responses.
Get this book: The Expectant Father. I've gone through several first-time dad books and they all treat you like an idiot except this one. I found the majority of the information super helpful and interesting. My wife loved that I was as interested in what was happening to her and the baby as she was. Aside from the book, be attentive to her. Don't be afraid to ask her if there's anything you can do to help or make her feel more comfortable. If she's feeling nauseous, go out of your way to find things that will help. Don't even ask if she wants you to get it, just research and pick some stuff up for her. Look up some prenatal massage techniques to help ease her discomfort. Better yet, look up professional massage places near you that offer prenatal massage. Ultimately, just putting in the effort to help her and prepare yourself for this big change is going to go a long way. Congratulations, bud. u/robbleshaver
Before she goes back to work after the kid goes to bed always spend at least 5 minutes just talking to her. Locking in the house with a newborn is stressful, add in no other deal human interaction - PPD is real. Talk to her, have an adult convo and listen. Make an effort to attend doctor's appointments, take the kiddo out and give her a break. And don't be afraid to screw up. My first time holding a baby was in the operating room with my first son. You will see how fast you grow up and enjoy it. u/Jazzlike-Blueberry65
While she is breastfeeding/pumping/bottle feeding the baby. Help her get set up (bring the pump, adjust her pillows, get the baby, prep the bottle, etc.), let her do her thing, and then help her clean up and put it away. This will be exhausting but one of the greatest things you can do especially right after birth. She will need help while she is doing this bring her something to drink and something small to eat (fresh fruit is great) the added hydration will help her flow and keep her comfortable. Make sure she has time to take a long shower/Epsom salt bath while you care for your baby. Take her for a drive with the baby. Either way, get out for fresh air. Never ever ever tell her she is anything but beautiful and amazing. No matter what she looks or says she looks like. Never confirm it. Our hormones make everything extra sensitive and can struggle with appearance pretty hard. u/SpitsLikeALlama
Dad of 4 here. Preemptively plan for supplies that are needed and be active in jumping in and assisting with things you're able to do. There will be a period when you've pushed a bit away and a lot of guys take that personally when they're used to being front and center. Embrace the support role, don't demand anything from your partner, but give 110%. Be the first to change the diaper, jump up to wash bottles and restock towels and blankets. Childbirth is exhausting on a level we will never understand, now is the time to embrace that support role expect nothing back and be okay with it. It could last longer than you think, but a good dad and partner is the rock the mom and baby can stand on. Be that and love it. u/deleted
The biggest thing you can do is just listen to her, make note of minor annoyances and clear them for her. If a smell sets her off, remember that and avoid it. If she craves food, stock it. If there's a minor discomfort you can solve with a new pillow or some stuff, buy one. If she starts doing the nesting thing, let her take the lead on that but clear her time to run that by taking care of any normal chores that she usually does. But there are also a lot of day-to-day discomforts and annoyances we can alleviate that can bring the stress level down. The more proactive you can be, the less she has to think about. It's not enough to just do what she asks you have to look for those opportunities to help and take that mental load off to reduce stress. u/azuth89
The fact that you are asking this question is already a sign that you will be a good partner and father. Two things will be most important: love and patience. It can be expected that pregnancy can cause mood swings or uncommon food cravings. After birth, she may also go into postpartum depression, and then there's the baby who requires a lot of attention and care. At times when you feel tired or overwhelmed, always remember love brought you there and exercise utmost patience. The happiness far outweighs the difficulties. u/xi_an_xi
Get her a body pillow. Double cushion any chair she deems her favorite. Pick up the slack in the housekeeping. Get nice-looking joggers, maternity clothes are a scam and uncomfortable at best. Wrap a wet towel at her feet if she's feeling too hot. A couple of blankets at hand if she's feeling cold. As strong as she might be, she'll need reassurance that you still love her when the weight kicks in, be there for her! Arguments will ensue due to her hormones being out of control towards the end, defuse them immediately, and don't argue back. Change diapers, don't leave it all to your partner. If your partner needs a nap, no matter how tired you are your answer should always be: "Go on, I've got this." u/2footbanana
I know the "get married" advice can sound old-fashioned, but a stable relationship for you and the new mom is a huge factor in the mental health of a child. The predictability, modeling of love, and peaceful home life will give your child a boost for the rest of their life. If not marriage, then committed partners. If not committed partners, then a loving friendship. And avoid a revolving door of new relationships for either parent if you move on from each other. I've been a teacher for 18 years, K-12. 9/10 kids who struggle socially/ emotionally have unstable parents. u/Feetupwithwine
My wife and I are having our first kid in November. One thing I kept bugging her to do was to take a bath. My theory was it'd help take some of the weight off her hips. Well, she finally took one and felt fantastic after and now she's having more. u/deleted
Be very attentive to Post Partum Depression. I've known couples whose marriages strained and one even separated because of it (mine went through a rough patch, but wouldn't call it strained since we're over it) At first signs, get it treated, counseling or antidepressants. Your partner may not be able to identify it herself, can't see the forest beyond the trees kind of situation. u/chr15c