10 individuals who swore never to become their parents share how that worked out for them

Experience is the best teacher

Growing up, all of us experience different childhoods and environments. For some, they may not be the best or the most encouraging. Many of these children realize how traumatic and harmful certain parenting approaches can be for them due to their experiences and grow up to vow to use different parenting methods. However, there is no definite route one can take to parenting and one must be prepared for several turns of events. u/georgecollison called on parents, asking them, "Those of you who swore, 'when I grow up and have kids, I'll be nothing like my parent,' how did that work out for you?" Several people replied with the tactics they detested as children and still don't use with their kids to this day, while others pitched in different realizations and experiences. Here are the top 10 responses.

1. Raising kids with love and kindness is the way to go

Amazing, I have a fantastic relationship with all my kids. I've never used violence as a punishment. I've never belittled them or made them feel small. Now, I've got polite and friendly children who are loved by all they meet. It's not difficult to raise a child with love and kindness. The massive difference between my childhood and my kids. - u/WaliW0rld. As you say, raising kids with love, kindness and acceptance is the way to go. My kids are good people, and we have a good relationship. It is crazy the difference between how they grew up and how I grew up. - u/raisinghellwithtrees

2. Remixing parenting then and now

Turns out, I'm basically a remix of my parents. I've got dad's 'back in my day' stories and mom's 'eat your vegetables' stare. And yes, I've also mastered the art of turning off lights in empty rooms with the precision of a ninja. - u/Spiritual-Might-595. Turns out, I'm my parents 2.0 - now with added features! I find myself using phrases I swore I'd never say, and I've developed a strange fascination with thermostats. Who knew that 'Don't touch the thermostat' would be my catchphrase? - u/Level_Complaint2847

3. Being closely connected and focusing on little things

I apologize freely to my child when I get it wrong. We always have McDonald's money, he has lots of lovely days out and he's completely loved and adored. I hope he thinks I'm doing a good job. - u/good-instance-9498. Those small things make such an impact on a kid. - u/No_Connection188. I swore never to be like that. And I'm not. My daughter (10) and I never yell. We are close and respect one another. She is always complimented on her empathy by teachers and is at the top of her class. It works! - u/Penultamiteee

4. Setting the bar higher 

I did a lot of things the exact opposite of my parents when I had my daughter. To this day, my mother asks me why she and I aren't as close as my daughter and I. Well, let's see, maybe because I don't harbor a grudge for everything my child does differently than I do. She goes her own way and is a fully-functioning adult. I am proud of her rather than pointing out what she is doing "wrong." - u/Obi1notWan

5. Breaking generational trauma

It's hard. Breaking generational trauma is difficult. But I've put in a lot of work and went to therapy. I think I'm doing pretty good at being a different kind of parent. - u/Fair_Strawberry6709. Yes. Sometimes, I find myself struggling and kind of realize that this is probably how my mom felt. But other times, I'll be in a situation and I sort of analyze how my mom would have handled it, and I get mad at her all over again. - u/Sad_Confection5032

6. Some things remain the same

It's like I downloaded a 'Parenting App' directly from my mom and dad's brains. I've caught myself saying, 'Because I'm your mother, that's why' more times than I can count. And guess what? My living room is now a no-food zone. History repeats itself but with more WiFi. - u/Left-Excuse-4715. It's amazing how much more sense "no food in the living room or bedroom" makes when you are the one lugging out the floor scrubber to clean it. Or paying for a new rug! - u/ljr-55555

7. Being involved is better than being controlling

So far, so good. If I'm wrong, I admit it. If I did something that negatively affected my kids, I apologize. I don't give my kids the silent treatment if I'm mad or upset. I talk with them to go over how we view the situation and what we need to do to fix the issue. I'm interested in my kids and their passions. I don't use that to tease them about it. I support them in the ways they need for their hobbies. - u/lil_adk_bird

8. Understanding and consideration for the win 

My mother wouldn't get me braces for my horrible crooked teeth. My kid has braces now. My mother refused to let me get my license. My kid will have it the day he turns 16. Anytime I was excited about an accomplishment? There was someone she knew whose kid could do it better. I don't downplay my kid's excitement for anything. - u/Kindly_Flamingo2802. A little better. I can empathize a little with their frustration, but I'd rather still not act like they did. My kids seem like they like me. - u/chrispg26

9. Stepping into the shoes of responsibility and understanding reasoning

Well, let's just say my 'I'll never be like my parents' pledge has aged as well as a milk carton left out in the sun. Turns out, 'because I said so' is a legitimate reason, and 8 PM is indeed a fantastic bedtime. Who knew? - u/Warm-Ad-629. I don't have kids, but I have still turned into my parents! Turns out they meant well. They wanted what was best for me and tried their hardest. - u/nessa0616

10. Doing the opposite worked out perfectly

It has worked out perfectly! My husband and I have worked very hard to be like neither of our parental units and I think we did it! Our only child is now a very well-adjusted, kind, hard-working 29-year-old who owns a home and is married with a child. My husband and I are still happily married after 37 years. Our son likes to hang out with his mom and dad and I see or talk to him every day. We basically just tried to do everything unlike our parents and it worked. -u/Vampira309